Better Late Than Never

I honestly think I’ve been trying to write this post for nearly two months now as we [quickly] approach December. I just want to share this personal experience because I feel like sharing it will fully “fix” me and make me feel complete having gotten something off my mind. So today I want to talk about the several weeks of unhappiness I endured that motivated me to pursue the things that make me happy.

Over the summer, there was an opportunity that had opened up that I REALLY wanted. This was the perfect job. It worked out perfectly with the job I already had, it was at the same school and the hours were perfection. Anyways over the summer and through the beginning of the school year I tested and I interviewed. I continued to pass every step I needed and I eventually made it to top 2. I was ready. I was determined and ready for that job to be MINE. & I ended up falling short on experience in comparison to other candidate. HUGE MASSIVE BLOW TO MY EGO!
Im not average. I may seem average if you know me in person but my true friends and family know that Im anything but that. I get the things I pursue. I work hard and it always pays off. So when it didn’t pay off, I went into a mini depression. I was suffering from anxiety every day, I didn’t want to do anything. I started to think bad thoughts, really mean things that made me question myself as a person. Am I good person if I think these awful things? I would tell myself its the evil that is trying to get me to turn away from God. I knew it and I kept falling into it. I then started questioning everything in my life! What’s the point of the planner community? Whats the point in writing? Whats the point in creating? Why work for something that’s going to end? Why put so much time into something?
The only thing I was sure of was the well being of my child and my sanity to get things done for him. Then God just plucked me up out of my misery and just sat me there like “Quit being dramatic, you’ll be fine” and Im just like K God, got it! Ill work on it. Ill get my shit together.

Fortunately that amazing company I ‘worked’ for [me and my BIG ideas] had the Re-charge theme for the month of September. I genuinely tried to re-charge my life. It took a lot of trial and error but in the end it worked for me. I established routines, listened to music, created whatever I could, wrote down my thoughts, and just focused on myself. I stopped posting on social media as much & I wanted to be sure I was doing everything because I wanted to; not just for the sake of more followers. I needed to find out if the things I thought I loved doing were actually making me happy. I needed to know I could overcome failure without my life falling apart;MILLENNIAL PROBLEMS.
It wasn’t that I didn’t get the job, it was the way I handled it and where my mind went. I know I’m not the only one that suffers from the mind games we put ourselves through. The mind is a dangerous thing but I always remember that I am in control. I choose to be sad, mad, or happy. And its okay to get lost every once in awhile just as long as you come back. Find what makes you happy and do it.

 

 

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